


Mercenary Madness ; Much Ado

by julescoda



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff, Multific, Reader-Insert, tags will be updated as we move along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 14:32:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19396102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julescoda/pseuds/julescoda
Summary: You wanted to be a mercenary, but you end up managing nine of them instead. What happens when you fall for one?~~~This is really self indulgent, honestly.





	1. Introduction

As an aspiring mercenary, you hoped your application to TeuFort would net you some money and a ticket out of your current residence. However, due to 1970s culture and the Administrators increasing disdain for Ms. Pauling’s workload, you were quickly assigned to be the CARETAKER of the people you wanted to emulate so badly. To maintain their living space and make sure they don’t kill themselves before they actually get fighting. 

You received a secret dossier on all of the nine team members you were responsible to manage, as well as a key to the base. You skim over the paper, getting a basic overview of everybody before hopping off the train you took to the middle of nowhere, bags in tow.

After a few minutes of trudging through the sun-spotted landscape, you arrived at the RED Base. You hear the distant sound of screaming, explosions and metal thunks echoing from the halls of the great complex, setting off alarm bells in your head. You run towards the action on instinct, dashing through the unfamiliar halls before coming across the source of the racket.

The world runs in slow motion as you see two men flying through the air in an open field- Soldier and Demo, you note- while a younger boy clung to the Soldiers leg like a koala, shrieking. DEFINITELY Scout. A fellow with a hard hat follows their trajectory on foot, a doctor following close behind with a clipboard. Engineer and Medic are at least accounted for.

As the Soldier, Demo and Scout all land on the hard concrete, your attention shifts to the observers of this... Experiment? They all sat under some sort of overhang, with makeshift chairs strewn about. You count out 4 men, one asleep in a chair in the oddest position, one on the floor in a full flame retardant suit doodling on paper, and two others holding a conversation in Russian. You think the order of these guys would be... Sniper, Pyro, Heavy, and Spy. That’s all of them accounted for.

The ruckus quickly stops as they all took notice of your presence. The first to move was Engineer, who took his hard hat off and put it to his chest.

“Sorry for all that dear. You must be Miss L/N. Call me Engie.” He said, southern accent thick as honey. You shook his hand firmly, covering your hand in what you assumed was gunpowder?

“This is our... ‘caretaker’? We can most certainly help ourselves-” A German accent swiftly cut through. One look at the gentleman and you could tell he couldn't take care of himself in the slightest. His face was covered in the exhaust from the explosive debris, coating his glasses as well. 

“I can assure you, it’s for the better.” You look over to a man in a bespoke suit, who was considerably closer to you than you previously thought.

“We have only been here for a month and we are already at each other's throats. Company of the female variety is a good change of pace.”

“AND this place needs a good sprucing up.” Demo limps over to you, a smile on his face, Soldier following close behind. However, as soon as he spots you, he beelines for you.

“C’mere cupcake-” A set of calloused hands poke at your cheeks, arms and stomach. He grumbles before crossing his arms, helmet tipping forward.

“You are not soldier material!”

“And that’s why I’m a -” Before you can finish the thought, another one of them cuts in. 

"For the record, it was not me screaming through the air while clingin' to this guy's feet. It was probably some other guy, I swear."

The exhaust covering his pants and face says otherwise, but you nod. Looking over to the makeshift lounge, you saw the Pyro just... Staring at you. A moment passed before he waved his arms towards you excitedly, muffled words falling on your ears. You wave back. You walk over to Heavy, who only puts out a firm hand. You shake on it and you think he broke your wrist and fingers. Or at least, feels like it because of how tight his grip was.

"Ah. Sorry." He gently pats your hand before pointing to Sniper.

"Wake him up." You grimace but walk over to the mess of limbs nonetheless. You tip his hat over his face, earning a snicker from Scout, before tapping his shoulder. As soon as you do, his limbs seem to unspaghetti-fy and actually put themselves in a way that constitutes as 'sitting in a chair'. The man grumbles before taking his hat from his face, tired eyes looking up into yours. The man fixes his glasses and gives you a once over before speaking.

"G' day."

You can only sigh, dragging your hand down your face in defeat. One Breath... Two breaths… okay. 

"I know you guys are fully grown men who should at LEAST be able to take care of yourselves. But if the Administrator hired me to be your.. 'Caretaker', then you lot can't even keep yourselves alive."

"That's why we have respa-"

"Yeah, no. I'll formally introduce myself tomorrow since I'm deadbeat from the train ride here."

You were going to walk off to your room when you realized you don't even know where your room is.

"Anyone know where my room is?"

Engineer came up to you, putting his gloved hand on your shoulder.

"I'll show ya to your room." He dusted off his hands and silently offered to carry your bags. A quiet whispered, 'Thank you' was all it took for you to get a small smile from him, shy and oddly delicate. He stepped off into an adjacent hallway, motioning for you to follow.

He leads you through the maze-like halls of the facility, noting landmarks so you could get your bearings. He turned the corner and you were suddenly in a sort of dormitory, each room going to one of the mercs? He opened up a door near the entrance to this area, walking inside and putting down your bags. Peering inside, it was relatively empty, other than a simple bed and closet. There was still plenty of room, but not enough for comfort.

"I'm gonna speak for myself by saying that you'll get used to our… gusto."

"More like insanity."

He chuckles, scratching at his neck.

"That's more likely than you think."

He goes off and out, leaving you to think of those words. You enter the room, falling face down onto your bed. These men already exhausted you, and it hasn't been 15 minutes. How were you gonna last taking care of them for God knows how long? You got up and shut the door, locking it in the process. A nap would do some good. You drift into a fitful sleep, officially marking your first day on the job.

~~~

You wake up and realize that you weren't in your room. Hopping up and looking around, your body caught up with your brain and realized you were at your new job. You sigh, scratching at your neck, peering outside your door. The first sign of daylight began peering through the windows down the hall, casting the drab hallway in a brilliant orange. You step out and lock your door, resolved to find your way around the maze-like base by yourself.

…

Yep. You were lost. You looped around the same few hallways god knows how many times in search of basic facilities. The sun was higher in the sky when you finally found a kitchen and makeshift living room. You quickly got to making something for you and the team… if they could even find you. Peering inside the fridge you find rum, atomic bonk soda, a bucket, and several jars of god knows what. No real food in sight. How did these guys live?

Abandoning the idea of cooking for the team, you wander around again, getting a sense of direction with new landmarks. The facility slowly grew to make sense, or enough sense to make it back to your room. What you found was most of the team waiting outside your door, waiting for you. They look up at you, confused, then indifferent. They were waiting for that introduction you promised. Clearing your throat, you begin,

“You can call me L/N. Your boss hired me- I think- to make sure you guys don’t blow yourselves up on purpose, as well as maintain the base as a whole. It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”

Silence.

Then a clamor to shake your hand (besides Heavy and Engineer) ensued. 

The Scout shook your hand first, a cocky grin plastered on his face, “Call me-”

The Medic put a glove over Scout’s mouth, whispering in his ear before coming over to you.

“Call me Medic.” He shook your hand, firm and curt. “If you get sick, I’ll make sure you live… hopefully.” His smile was gentle, but his eyes had a hint of something dubious behind them.

Before you could think about the connotations of that statement, the Sniper stood before you, imposing but awkward.

“I’m the Sniper. Don’t wear it thin and don’t worry about me.” You shook his gloved hand, nodding. You couldn’t see his eyes, but he was still smiling, even if it was only for a moment.

Soldier shoved him, however, and saluted you in that instant. His helmet never came off, huh?

“I’m sorry for not calling you soldier material, Miss L/N.”

You sigh, putting down his arm. “It’s no issue. Now go do your job.”

He smiled again before marching down the halls, screaming something about eagles.

You turned back around only to get spooked by the Spy, lighting a cig, leering at you warily. Jumping a bit, you extend a hand. He shakes it once before walking down the hall with confidence most men only dream of. As though he needs no introduction… which he didn't.

The last one to come up to you was the Pyro, who gave you a paper drawing before skipping down the hallway. The drawing was in crayon, and looked like a child's depiction of the scene you walked in on yesterday, with a mini-you in the corner looking shocked. It warmed your heart, and not in a deadly way with fire and such. You watch the team go down the hall to do their jobs, bickering and joking around. Hopefully, you’ll be like one of them, making your fair share of blood money. One day...

~~~

That day hadn't come just yet, but you at least could juggle nine very different diets, personalities, wants, needs, etc. You've come to learn their quirks and ticks, as well as get to know them better. You didn't know their real names, of course… but you still had a fair bit to work with. Bits and pieces of where they were from and what they wanted to do.

During the months of work, Engineer hooked you to the respawn system as a safety net. The Medic also enabled it so your body could withstand uber. You were thankfully unconscious for that. It was a step closer to being on the battlefield at least.

However, fighting was the least of your worries. Another issue arose when you realized you cared for one of the team beyond the standard professional care you gave- or hell- personal friendships you forged. One way or another, you had to come out with it, before it affected your paycheck. The issue was…


	2. Scout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Scout.

The Scout. His boyish charms had finally won you over. Your schoolyard crush on him was clear as day to the older mercs. However, every time you tried to charm him, it flew over his head like a baseball in a rocket launcher (you've seen it). Without the faintest clue of who to turn to, you flopped onto your bed. The day was winding down and people were off doing their own thing.

Which is why a gentle knock at the door surprised you.

You scurried over, opening the door a crack before unlocking it fully. It was Spy, dressed to the nines as the usual. A devilish glint in his eyes told you, however, he was going to offer you something.

"May I come in?"

You step back and fix up a makeshift seat from your desk chair.

"Sure, sure. What's up?"

He walks in, closing the door and locking it, before taking a seat.

"I have seen your attempts to woo the Scout and seen them fall flat." Your face fell too, embarrassed about the failed flirting.

"I'm willing to help, however." Your eyes lit up as you saw him lean back in the chair. He reaches into his jacket pocket and procures a set of baseball cards, as well as a single well maintained rose. Before you could even start to ask a question, he cuts you off.

"Don't ask. Anyways, the Scout will be in the kitchen tomorrow evening, 11 p.m sharp. Make your move and confess."

You struggle to comprehend the Spys directness with you, but he soon stands up and leaves the rose and baseball cards on your desk.

Opening the door to leave, he tells you one final thing.

"You are a good person, Miss L/N. Help Scout be a good person too."

He closes the door behind him, leaving you to your thoughts yet again. You were more confused than ever. As dusk changed to night, you decided to get around to getting dinner, as well as check to see if some had already eaten. It was a daily routine to let them know you care about them, as well as make sure they had a proper diet… Well as ‘proper’ as these men get.

You navigate your way to the kitchen to see most everyone there, save for Spy. Of course. You get on with fixing up rations and serving them up with as much flavor as you could add. A few thank you's were passed about but it was Scout's winning smile that took you off guard. Heat crept up your neck as you noticed a small bit of potato at the corner of his mouth. Instinctively, you rub away the food with your thumb, gripping his chin in the process.

Time seemed to stop in that instant, as your heart picked up the pace. His hazel eyes looked up to yours, confused yet grateful… mostly confused. You finally let your hand go loose before he stammers an unsure,  
"Thanks... Doll,"

"No problem."

You carefully sidled out of the room in the most unsuspicious (read: suspicious) manner possible. A few of the team start bursting into laughter as you made your escape to your room, your face in a furious flush the whole way there. How were you possibly going to confess your affections to the young man tomorrow evening? Did you even have to, considering it was Spy asking you to do it? These questions spun in your head as the world spun around in your vision. Thankfully, you make it to your room and lock the door, flopping onto the bed before blacking out.

~~~

You woke up, groggy with your head and eyes full of sleep. Forgetting about yesterday's events, you do your daily duties. Clean up the kitchen, wake everyone up, wipe up any blood trails going down certain hallways… Totally normal stuff.

The day came and went as it had before. Nothing of note happened except for a complete lack of Scout. Well, that, and the very loud fleshy sounds coming from Medic's bay, but that wasn't your concern. It was only when the sun dipped below the sky and a certain rogue figure gave you a rather out of character thumbs up did it all click. You've been set up. But in a good way? You shook your head and fast-walk to your room, grabbing the baseball cards and rose before locking up. It was 10:45 p.m. and your heart was beating out of your chest. Entering the kitchen, it was completely deserted. It was already spotless from earlier, so you didn't take out anything to eat. Minutes passed like hours until Scout walked in, looking just as nervous as you felt. His hands were behind his back and he wasn't donning his usual cap.

You both start to speak.

"I just wanna-"

Stop.

"You go first-"

You both devolved into giggles at the mere fact that you both wanted to speak. It was obvious while the two of you were here for. Scout started off, coughing softly.

"Anyways, uhm, I'm glad you're here cause I kinda- kinda wanted to tell ya something." He started scratching the back of his neck, a soft flush creeping up it.

"I ain't never liked a girl like you before, an' I thought I didn't have a chance cause you smelled good an' could read an' stuff. So I figured 'what the hell' and got ya these-"

He shoved both his hands forward, his head looking down and to the side. In his hands was a single well maintained rose and a drawing of the sunset with a backdrop of buildings. In pen.

"Do you.. like them?" He looked up with one eye crooked open, so unlike his usual womanizer self.

"I love them, Scout. I got you a little something too." You put his rose and drawing on the counter and put your rose and baseball cards in his hand instead. As he read the labeling on the set, his eyes seemed to glimmer.

"How did you get these?! Oh my God, this is perfect for my collection thank you-" He lifts you up and spins you around with no forewarning. He is WAY stronger than he looks. You look up to the most admirable smile. You peck his lips instinctively and watch the rest go down. His face goes red as he smiles ear to ear, before peppering your face with kisses in retaliation. Gently, the both of you sat on the kitchen floor, the electricity of love passing between the both of you. It was undeniable you two would get along like partners in crime to the end of time. The comfortable silence broke with a deep breath.

"By the way Miss L/N, my.. real name is Jeremy. We aren't allowed to give that out but... I know I can trust you."

You were stunned. Not once in your months of being here did anyone give out a name. And you didn't question it.

"Well then… you can call me Jade."

It was like he was beaming when you told him this, his hand slowly gripping yours as you two sat on the kitchen floor, content.

"Jade… it suits a pretty face like yours."

"And Jeremy suits a handsome face like yours."

You tuck your head onto Jeremy's shoulder, whispering one last thing before the night ended.

"You and me against the world?"

He took a shallow breath.

"For you? Absolutely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next ; The Soldier!


End file.
